Own Time Own Target

The sexual content over the radio in the car is just too much for my girls even if they dont get it and havent started asking questions...

Unfortunately normal kiddie songs are over-optimistic and doesnt sit well with my psyche as I drive... instead of making me happy as well, I just grit my teeth...

So I've started making my own mix tapes (the ultimate expression of love if you are from my era) or in the modern name : playlists

The mission is 2-fold:
1. For the girls to stay as kids for as long as they can, but on top of that, to grow up to be confident, resilient and happy girls who are open to different experiences.

2. To introduce them to a huge variety of songs from different genre (broadway, rock, inspirational, pop, the inevitable-disney, big band, and classics) but with a bias towards positivity.


The first playlist I've made in Apr 10 looked like this:

- I'd like to teach the world to sing to keep them in familiar kids territory and i really love that old coke commercial


- Over the rainbow sweet little song that Kiddie E learned to play on the piano

- By the light of the silvery moon nice show tune

- Stand by me BEN E KING and the film "Stand by me" adopted from a story by Steven King, scary and uplifting at the same time. Great film, you've gotta watch it.

- Rainbow connection Kermit the Frog's version about wonders and wondering

- Tomorrow (from Annie) things may be bleak and wary, but it might get better... tomorrow! Just because it will be a brand new day.

- I have a dream ABBA" i have a dream, a song to sing, to help me cope with anything"

- Beauty and the beast I have to throw something from Disney...

- Mmmbop What fun right? :)

- One step at a time Jordan Sparks. Baby steps might take forever, but at least you're moving!

- Baby Justin Bieber before my kids fall asleep or start protesting against the over preaching...

- The time of my life David Cook and soft rock for me to compensate for the song just prior

- Life is a roller coaster Yup, thats life

- There she goes cute whimsical for a change of pace

- Love story Tyler swift, cant get away from her, but she's pretty... and there's mention of princess and stuff in the song

- I hope you dance What i really want for the girls

- If we hold on together Another Disney song

- You raise me up Josh Groban inspirational

- Ave Maria Celine Dion beautiful spiritual

Labels: to Love

I am a notoriously hard person to get presents for.

Not much into bags, shoes, clothes, jewelry, diamonds or fragrance. Once you take those out, there ain't much that one can get a girl.

Things I'm in, like gadgets, books, miscellaneous knick-knacks I am factitious with the functions/ style/ color/ make.

TOUGH.

I do appreciate a good thought tho, but those are usually short in coming :P

E usually gives up early, and pounces on the chance to pay for my shopping or air tickets instead of trying and failing to buy something, or worst, trying and buying something that begets a huh? or meh? sorry dear. I really dont mean to.

I dont really blame him, he himself is a man of simple wants and shops little except when in dire need. Most of his gorgeous stuff are from me :) but his best choice was in marrying me :D

Anyways, this year, he's given up totally after failing to entice me with thoughts of full carat jewelry or an iPad.

He's just given me a budget.

I'm lusting but undecided after the following:
- iPad
- iPod nano or touch
- Kindle
- Kinect (with Dance Central!)
- ....... suggestions welcome!
but even if I choose 1 or 2, there will still be some remaining...

I think I'm going to buy 2 lots of blue chip :)

Labels: to Love

One of the cornerstones of values that I want to impart to my kids is to not covet another's belongings.

They can strive to have/ get more and better things by working/ saving for it. But they should never take into possession things that belong to another whether by scheming/ begging/ whatever. I feel that this instill self-worth and confidence, and helps to prevent materialism and the inevitable comparisons with peers on who has what and who has it bigger/ better/ more.

I cant remember how it came to pass, but one of those things we now do is when we pick up stray coins on the road, we do not put them into the piggy bank. We keep them until we pass a donation box whether SPCA/ comchest at the supermarket or a flag day and put that coin in. Because it does not belong to us.

Well, E chance upon a whole SGD5 note when he was on the way home with the kids last night.

The kids promptly relieved him of the windfall burden and came back to pass the S$5 to me for safe-keeping until we pass the next donation box.

I think we did something right there. :)

Labels: to Invest, to Love

Was only able to see Baby V the 2nd day after delivery as I was still unsteady on my feet (from blood loss during labour... TMI? ermmm... that's reality for ya!) and deemed unable to make my way by myself to NICU. Was wheeled there by E when he visited in the afternoon.

It was tough to see Baby V so heavily hooked up to various machinery:
- 1 sensor taped to her left foot to monitor O2 level,
- 2 sensors taped to her chest to monitor her heart rate and respiratory rates,
- 1 tap into her impossibly tiny veins on her left hand for a main line to deliver nutrients and liquid intravenously,
- 2 velcro patches on her cheeks to fix a two-prong air tube into her nostrils (which are kinda squashed since the air tubes are too big for her) and
- a feeding tube from her mouth to her stomach for milk...

She was housed in an incubator which kept her warm and toasty, and which allowed access only through pot holes for us to insert a cautious (washed, scrubbed and sanitised) finger to touch her fragile skin.

She is just so small that even the new born sized diaper had to be folded into half before it could fit her...

But even as my heart aches thus, I could not get away from noticing the other babies in the same cubicle as Baby V. Some were just 700+ gm when born, and the smallest was only 675gm... Baby V, while small, is exactly TWICE that of this baby... oh poor things.

E who had already made a tour of the cubicle duly informed me that Baby V was the heaviest of all babies there. But I spied a baby at the corner with a birth weight of 1410gm and told him so.

E's PFS* kicked in and dismissively said, "oh yah, but Baby V is TALLER, that baby is only 39cm tall but Baby V is 41cm long."

cute.


*PFS = Proud Father Syndrome

Labels: to Love

And I thought it was another routine couple of days' stay at the hospital to stop the bleeding and I could go home / back to work after that. 24hrs later but 73 days early, Baby V was born.

It was a stressful couple days preparing the big audit by our HQ, and I've worked hard staying late most of the week before. Right after the 2 day presentation and meeting, all were satisfied and we went for dinner.

I drove home after dinner and rested. But I noticed some blood clots and immediately got E to send to me my gynae's hospital (un-named due to possible repercussions). On the way there, I felt cramps and thought this MUST be false contractions, I am WAY TOO EARLY to be starting labour.

But when we were there, I was indeed in labour. 4 cm dilated to be specific. I was given Dexsar to help the baby's lungs develop faster to adapt to the breathing in air world. The hitch was the medication needed 2 doses administered 12 hours apart, and a total of 24 hours for it to work fully. We may not have that much time. I was put on sabutamol to relax the womb and hopefully buy some time.

The pedae arrived and was on standby, and the prognosis according to him was worrying. Lots of things could go wrong with a birth this early. 29weeks + 2 days. Not to mention the astronomical costs of Neonatal ICU (NICU) at a private hospital, estimated at $1k per day, for 2-3 months...

We frantically pulled on strings to move me to KK where I hope to get into a C class ward, but KK told the doctors that they were full and I will not be excepted if I were to transfer there. We tried NUH and SGH where both are going to be more expensive than KK, but have a system for reduced charges once fees hit a certain ceiling.

It was passed 12mn, and I woke up my parents. Demanding over their protests to wait till a more godly hour like when the sun is up that they pull on some very distant strings, waking several families in the mean time. And the final verdict was to have me change back into my street clothes and transfer to KK in a private ambulance (making no mentions of the hospital I came from) and just show up at KK A&E. The delivery was thought to be imminent and my gynae and padae were worried enough to hop into the ambulance with me and deliver the baby in the ambulance if necessary. I can't tell you how gratified I was with their unselfish thoughtfulness and professionalism, and the comfort in thought that they were there.

There was some grilling at KK admission, and was told that if not for the dire circumstances that I was in and being unfit to be moved, I would have been moved for there were not enough ventilators. But thank goodness the long distant strings were pulled and favors were granted. No time were lost even during the questioning, and I was quickly changed and examined.

6 cm dilated.

I was given another dose of dexsar at 230am. The doctors dithered with their administration of sabultomol in increasing dosage of 15ml per half hour due to the side effects (both short term and long term) on the heart. But I pleaded with them to up it to the max that my heart could withstand ASAP, before the window closes and the tipping point reach, where too little too late was given before the labour proper starts and the baby would have lost all fighting chance (time) for her lungs to be ready.

They agreed with me, but not before counselling us on the pros and cons, and amongst them... we have 2 other children. The very stark message being, they were responsible for both mother and child, but they judged it to be more important to have 1 mom + 2 kids than 3 kids with no mom. Yes... but still. They upped the sabultamol.

The next 20 hours were filled with waiting, where waiting was good. I was prescribed anti-biotics, blood drawn for various tests, monitored closely to ensure that my heart rate was no higher than 130 per min.

We waited and counted down the 24 hours required for dexsar to work. We didnt dare to hope for much, but celebrated every 30min. At first just to reach 6am (3.5hrs) than to 8:30am (6hrs where a quarter of the dexsar would have worked) than to 2:30pm (for the 2nd dose of dexsar to be administered at KK). We didnt believe that we managed to hold till then, I suspect not even the doctors.

At some point, my heart rate went racing above 138 and blood pressure dangerously low at 94/54. They lowered the sulbutomol, and soon the contractions gotten so much worst that I thought I was going to deliver, they gave me the gas mask and I breathed in freely. We held on and they increased the dosage of sulbutomol partially as my vital stats stabilised.

The target was 2:30 am 1/8/09 but by 10pm, I was post-dilated and the baby's head was low in the birth channel. I felt weak and told E that I could not go on.

He was dissappointed. And I was dissappointed that he was. I mean, the objective was both lives, wasn't it? At this time the doctors came in and he asked again about the side effects of the salbutomol and told them that I was feeling weak. My faith in him thus restored. And the doctors decided that there was no point waiting further. It was 20 hours after the 1st dose of dexsar in KK was administered, the baby's lungs had more than a fighting chance.

The 2 teams of doctors came in to the labour room, and the neonatal team was told to "be ready for resuscitation". I prayed as they pricked the water bag and I started pushing.

Baby V was born 1350gm, 41 cm long and 26 cm head circumference. Stats that were better than we had dared hoped for at such an early gestational period, and historical data from her elder petite siblings.

A CRY! A small cry from the baby! She's breathing! She does not need resuscitation!

That took everyone by surprised. She was quickly cleaned up and wrapped in cling wrap to preserve her body temperature. When she was ready to be pushed into the NICU, the neonatal doc gave E a slap on the back and congratulated him, telling him what a good girl we have there.



It was a minor miracle.

We thank all who had helped and prayed for us.

Labels: to Despair, to Love, to Sweat

It was a colleague's birthday and she received a bouquet of flowers from her hubby amidst some oohs-and-aahs from the office.

It is really kinda sweet considering that they have been married for over 10 years, have 2 kids and she's in her early 30s, despite her fierce objections to ribbing that "she didnt know", "hubby didnt want to carry the flowers when meeting her", and "house got nobody to receive the flowers"...

So i went home and nudge-nudge-wink-wink at hubby and told him about my colleague getting flowers from HER HUBBY.

He was a little shell shocked cos I was (and still am) never much into such gestures...

and the last time I received flowers from him was a single carnation on Mother's Day this year.

All he could managed was an open mouthed "Or..." and uneasy side glances at me.

Kekeke.

The carnation was perfect. Birthday Bouquets unnecessary. But it is really alright to let him sweat a little, some times.

;)

Labels: to Laugh, to Love

"Mommy, I have a surprise for you!" Kiddie E screamed as I got home.

She had gone shopping with her grandpa and bought something... it looked like a bottle of soda, not juice, not beer (just a wild guess to kid with her), not ribena...


It was a bottle of Waitrose Low Sugar Bitter Lemon

For ME.

Since becoming pregnant and with my history of gestational diabetes, I have been on a restricted carbo diet which means low sugar every thing or nothing.

Waitrose Low Sugar Bitter Lemon and Low Sugar Tonic Soda had been my savior during times of sugar cravings, especially the first.

Unfortunately they are only available from Cold Storage/ Market Place, where half the time is out of stock.

She had somehow noted my disappointment and that we didnt manage to get any during our last 2 grocery runs in the last month, while playing pretend-cashier games and pushing the trolley.

I am speechless. This is the absolutely first independent thing that she's done for me, not the obligatory class art project for mother's day etc.

Not even grandpa's doubts could persuade her to not buy it, though he did stop her from buying TWO. The only thing she got for herself and Kiddie J was a packet of Kindo Bueno each.

I am blessed with love from this young child of just a month over 7 years, borne from my loins.

There are still many things to learn as parents, but I think we've gotten some of them right.

Labels: to Love

Was driving to work and realised that my fuel gauge pointed to slightly less than 1/4 tank full. Decided to top up after work.

BIG MISTAKE, as the 2 stations closest to my office were unbelievably out of fuel after work.

I decided to drive to dinner at in-laws' before topping up since the station there is nearer than the one close to my home.

THEN the fuel alarm came up half way to dinner...

ARGH! I entertained scary thoughts of being stranded on PIE during evening traffic while I turned down the air-conditioning, free wheeling as much as possible and using the brakes as little as possible.

I knew that there was another station even nearer to my in-laws than the one I was familiar with but reluctant to explore in my circumstance.

SO I drove straight to dinner, and reported to E of my predicament.

He went off with nary a grumble to the nearest station to top up my fuel tank, arming himself with his hand phone juuuuust in case.

He made it back with a grin, and after having gone to the next nearest station as he couldnt find the nearest station too...

That warm fuzzy feeling to drive home with a full tank that night was priceless. :)

Labels: to Love

I have never been so happy to receive a "normal" for a test.

Not outstanding, not extra-ordinary, just "normal". And how beautiful.

Oh, to have my birthday wish come true without having blown a candle. Priceless.

Labels: to Love

Since becoming seriously broke about Oct last year, I have been on a strict austerity drive. Strict because of the necessity and simply because there was no room to wriggle.

But things have started slowly looking up over the last couple of months. From a loss position amounting to the 100% cash outlay to buy a full licensed car, the paper losses decreased and I have actually managed to take some profit and still have some surplus left in the portfolio.

What a difference in less than a year.

Unfortunately old habits die hard. The austerity measures have since become ingrained in me, and I look at sales information with indifference, noting nothing of interest and nothing of need.

That's mostly welcomed, since it only serves to strengthen my overall financial position.

Somehow an austerity DRIVE had become an austere LIFE, and I cant think of anything that I'd WANT that needs to be BOUGHT.

UNFORTUNATELY, I also could not think of anything material that I wanted for my birthday or Mother's day, much to the discomfort of E who usually relies on me to tell him what to buy for me. So this year, HE had nothing to show for it when my sis happily informed all that her hubby bought her a heart-rate monitor for Mother's Day...

Now, if that Palm PRE would launch really soon, that will definitely help. :)

ps. Many thanks to those who have said a prayer and sent well wishes with regards to my portfolio.

Labels: to Invest, to Love

It is my birthday today.

There had been several well wishes via sms, emails and Facebook.

But I've just taken the amniocentesis test yesterday, and all I want is for the little one to be ok.

Labels: to Love

We were watching "In the womb" on Discovery over the weekend, and I took the chance to ask the kids if they wanted a baby brother or sister.

Kiddie J aka #2 thought about it and said "YES"
Then I asked her "Do you want a 妹妹 (little sister) or 弟弟 (little brother)?"
"I want a 妹妹"
hmmm... ok.

I turned around and asked Kiddie E aka #1.
And she said "I want a 姐姐 (elder sister)"

LOL

Labels: to Love

Oh, the lack of posts, the most recent hospitalization and medications is because of #3.



Btw, the "dread and fingers crossing that it wouldn't happen but it did" did not refer to #3 but the weak constitution leading to high risk of real/ threatened miscarriage... which I had suffered and gridded through for both Kiddie E and Kiddie J. Juuuust in case anybody is wondering...

On a recent scan, the fetus was extremely active with the whole little being bouncing in regular intervals. E thought this might means equals boy... until the gyn said the baby was having hiccups.

LOL

Labels: to Love

Some wisdom there. From mouth of babes, or more accurately, a children's book- Christopher Robin from Pooh Bear books.

This i want to tell to my children.

and i guess it works a lot of us adults too.

Be strong.

Labels: to Love

A labor of love.

Completion is the only option.

I scribbled some notes at the back without telling E before framing it up ,will he find out some day?

Happy Valentine's Day.

Labels: to Love

There is no way around it, the one and only plan is to try to fit the balance pieces one to another, eliminating those that don't fit and moving on to the next.

There were some intelligent guesses based on adjacent shapes and size, but that was as much help as a candle flame in a cold dark winter's night (any guesses on what song were the corny last 5 words lifted from? :D )

Slowly and painstakingly, it gets done. The "only" remaining pieces are those left in the box, instead of bags full...

It WILL be done.

Labels: to Love

It is really tough when E's birthday is so close to V-day, the Most Commercialized and Over-rated Day of the year, at least there is some sort of goodwill towards mankind with Christmas.

I can only thank god that we do not celebrate a white day (14-March IIRC*) that the Japanese do. Oh wait, maybe I should wish that we do, since that is the day when boys give things to girls... argh. whatever.

Last year, we went to Morton's on me (it was over-rated and under value for money, thank god for credit card redemption vouchers...)

This year's gift is super-easy, he ran out (more accurately, it had been so long since he last used it and the smell went bad) and I bought him this

Labels: to Love, to Shop Buy

It is getting tougher, but at least there some shiny poppy looking flowers in the flowery ground.

And there is logic to the madness... sort of,

Thankfully I also managed to plug some holes that were left in the vines beneath the female's feet.




But once that is done, I find myself scrapping the bottom of the barrel to delay the inevitable bronze background.

I dug out all the pieces of bronze which had a small part (however small) which could fit to main picture, and that helped, like 30 pcs...




As I was shifting through the bronze pieces, i realized that the borders have different size for each side too.

Thank Goodness, or I would have either gone blind or coo-coo just when I am so close to the finish.

To my own amazement, I did managed to finish the border, and even better I can see very subtle difference in the bronze, i.e. very dark bronze vs very very dark bronze...

I hope that counts for something.

Labels: to Love

There is little progress over the robe, which I had thought couldnt be too difficult since there were designs that could be followed, right? Unfortunately they came in such small fragmented pieces that it was almost impossible to eyeball the picture and choose a meaningful color and place it correctly the first time, or the second, and maybe I'll lucky on the third.

Move on to the face and hair. 30min's work. Not too bad. The "easy" part is over.


The robe is complete! 2 hours worth! But oh so satisfying :)

Victory is short-lived.

But there is nothing easy with the uniformly bronze background and the flowery floor. But between the devil and and hard place, I'll take the flowery floor anytime...

Labels: to Love

Amongst the pack of floweries, there were some that had speckles of gold which looked like heart-shaped leaves and vines, i picked those out and completed the base which the female was kneeling on.

Slightly over an hour for the picking and fixing for just over 100 pcs.

This is slow work but still progress.

I started picking out the pieces with lines and blocks, separating them into black/ light colors and gold.

That took more than 30 mins. I'm too tired to go on... but I can't stop yet, or the girls may try to help in the morning and simply force pieces to fit together...



Ok, some of the male's robe is seeing form. But I really have to stop now... zzz

Labels: to Love