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Thursday, September 25, 2008

The sending off

It is the funeral of dai kau fu today. The final good bye.

It was heart-rending to witness the despair of my auntie and cousins who had kept busy with rites and guests over the last few days, barely enough to keep the shock of loss at bay.

Auntie and other elders were not allowed to go to Mandai Crematorium for the final send off, and the desperate cry of Auntie to the departing hearse haunted all of us and brought fresh tears to our eyes.

My cousins were already biting their lips and finally the emotions got better of them when the coffin was being prepared for the cremation. It was the darkest moment as the coffin was being pushed into the literally glowing red furnace for the cremation; the realization that this, indeed, was the end.

2 grown men held on to each for support as they cried with great big sobs it hits them that there is no longer any possibilities for denials or illusions, that their dad is gone. Forever.

I tried to hold myself in silence as I teared and ached for their loss. But being there brought back long forgotten emotions of my own losses, and my fears as I look at my parents and thought about my own family and others that I hold dear.

I calculate the years that we have had together, and how many more to a theoretical end and shudder.

What will I do without any one of them? I can't bear the thought.

We, do, take so much for granted.

I'm going home to hold my kids extra hard and long tonight and tell them a thousand times more that I love them, and E when he returns tomorrow.

Hold your family close.

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