Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Prayer
The year had fleeted pass along with potential and promises unfulfilled.
A prayer be said for the hurts and regrets of the old to be healed.
But dream we still must, and to pray for strength meet with challenges ahead.
And a prayer for a blessed New Year and good health for you.
(this was actually a very difficult post that i've made many different starts.
So many things and emotions, not least in light of the scare. So many things to think about. So much unknown and left unsaid.
Oh God keep my beloveds safe, grant me serenity and lay me down gently.)
A prayer be said for the hurts and regrets of the old to be healed.
But dream we still must, and to pray for strength meet with challenges ahead.
And a prayer for a blessed New Year and good health for you.
(this was actually a very difficult post that i've made many different starts.
So many things and emotions, not least in light of the scare. So many things to think about. So much unknown and left unsaid.
Oh God keep my beloveds safe, grant me serenity and lay me down gently.)
Labels: to Read Think
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Life flashing pass
Thank you for all the well wishes and concerned messages.
I realised that was kind of abrupt and probably alarming, but it was pretty hairy for awhile and i wanted to put in shorthand to that frame of mind...
Anyways, the short of it was:
It had been a gruelingweek month few weeks months (you get the picture), and even more so for Christmas as we were rushing for year end closing at work, and rushing preparing for Christmas, not forgetting the drinking episode, and I was tired and sore beyond belief.
My chest hurt, my back hurt and my breathing became shallower. The tightness felt heavier as I tried to plow through the work. During a meeting in IBP, i started sweating in pain. While driving back to my office, i couldnt breathe as the pain was almost unbearable and it was a small miracle that i managed to reach my office without mishap.
But as I tried to settle back to work, the pain came in waves between feelings of dying and barely bearable. i started feeling nauseated. Decided to ditch the car in the office and catch a ride to the nearest GP.
"How are you feeling today?"
"Bad, I'm having chest pains and difficulty breathing"
"What kind of pain?"
"Like 2 steel bars crushing me from front and back, and my heart is about to burst"
"Any tinkling or numbness in the arm?"
"I didnt notice, the pain was overwhelming"
"Any cough or running nose?"
"Nope"
"Are you on any medication"
"Nope"
"Any fever?"
"I dont know"
thermometer showed 38 deg c.
"I'm going to send you to A&E"
"WHAT?"
"The symptoms added together may indicate a viral heart infection."
"er... ok"
Imagining the endless waiting in an A&E dept "Should i have dinner before i go?"
"NO! the condition may cause SUDDEN DEATH"
*gasp!*
my life didnt exactly flash passed me, but all i could think about was
- what's going to happen to my kids?
- How's E going to handle not having me there?
- Who's going to cook that mushroom stew for pot luck gathering the next day?
- What's going to happen to the presents i got for everybody?
... ... i know, i can only plead confusion as my defense.
I took the doctor's letter to NUH A&E, and upon seeing the scary phrases of "chest pain" "difficulty breathing" and high fever, they whisk me through triage on a wheelchair and directly into A&E for chest x-ray and ECG. Even registering almost everything for me with me only having to give my own and ICE contact details.
Fortunately but anti-climactically, i started feeling better and even my fever started coming down without medication.
After asking almost the same questions as the GP, and asking about family history (Dad survived a minor heart attack at 58). But seeing that I am a pre-menopausal non-smoker female, they decided that it could be pulmonary embolism which is a sudden blockage in a lung artery.
The doctors took my blood for tests, hooked me up on to an automated blood pressure and heart rate monitor and put a tap into the top of my hand and... left me there.
Under the bright lights of the observation room and incessant beeping of monitors and machines, i spent my time people watching. The doctors being very focused on their own patients and ignoring other patients, the nurses doing almost the same with some trying to look busy, the patients either just lying there or raising a ruckus refusing to pee/ defecate into their diapers, wanting to leave or just being plain delusional. The majority of the patients were the elderly as expected, but a couple were minor accident victims who were hurt badly enough to not have to queue at the waiting area but not enough to be operated on (yet).
3 hours later, they came to check on me, they knew enough to know that they didnt know what was happening to me and so refused to let me leave. It was thus decided that i will take a series of 3 blood tests in 8 hour intervals that will determine if i had suffered any heart damage. I was then sent to the EDTU (Extended Diagnostic and Treatment Unit) just after midnight.
E had been waiting for 2 hours outside A&E by then, came in to talk to the doctor and to see me and pass me a book. :)
I was then plastered with ECG Monitoring Electrodes
all over over in kinda like this pattern although i had more...
adjoined to 2 sets of lead wires (each holding 5 clamps) and left alone to catch some sleep.
Since E didnt come from home, he didnt bring my glasses and i decided to leave my contact lenses on.
Surprisingly, not only I was able to fall asleep, I slept well.
They took my blood twice more, and since all the tests were negative let me discharge with a MC for 3 days, a letter and a caution. That i was to make my way immediately to a polyclinic or hospital with the letter in hand if i was to suffer another episode within the week.
I then left the hospital to go home to make a mushroom stew dish , and also wrap presents for belated Christmas gift-exchanges, and arrive for pot luck dinner gathering with friends at 630pm.
Unfortunately, 3 bites into the pot luck dinner, my chest started hurting and i started sweating profusely. I was probably taking the whole thing too easy. I didnt want to alarm my friends (who didnt know know about the hospitalization) so I pushed the food around my plate and tried to breathe. And little by little, the pain went away.
That was 3 nights ago, and 4 more to go.
And oh, E said that my mushroom stew was the best dish of the pot luck dinner :)
I realised that was kind of abrupt and probably alarming, but it was pretty hairy for awhile and i wanted to put in shorthand to that frame of mind...
Anyways, the short of it was:
It had been a grueling
My chest hurt, my back hurt and my breathing became shallower. The tightness felt heavier as I tried to plow through the work. During a meeting in IBP, i started sweating in pain. While driving back to my office, i couldnt breathe as the pain was almost unbearable and it was a small miracle that i managed to reach my office without mishap.
But as I tried to settle back to work, the pain came in waves between feelings of dying and barely bearable. i started feeling nauseated. Decided to ditch the car in the office and catch a ride to the nearest GP.
"How are you feeling today?"
"Bad, I'm having chest pains and difficulty breathing"
"What kind of pain?"
"Like 2 steel bars crushing me from front and back, and my heart is about to burst"
"Any tinkling or numbness in the arm?"
"I didnt notice, the pain was overwhelming"
"Any cough or running nose?"
"Nope"
"Are you on any medication"
"Nope"
"Any fever?"
"I dont know"
thermometer showed 38 deg c.
"I'm going to send you to A&E"
"WHAT?"
"The symptoms added together may indicate a viral heart infection."
"er... ok"
Imagining the endless waiting in an A&E dept "Should i have dinner before i go?"
"NO! the condition may cause SUDDEN DEATH"
*gasp!*
my life didnt exactly flash passed me, but all i could think about was
- what's going to happen to my kids?
- How's E going to handle not having me there?
- Who's going to cook that mushroom stew for pot luck gathering the next day?
- What's going to happen to the presents i got for everybody?
... ... i know, i can only plead confusion as my defense.
I took the doctor's letter to NUH A&E, and upon seeing the scary phrases of "chest pain" "difficulty breathing" and high fever, they whisk me through triage on a wheelchair and directly into A&E for chest x-ray and ECG. Even registering almost everything for me with me only having to give my own and ICE contact details.
Fortunately but anti-climactically, i started feeling better and even my fever started coming down without medication.
After asking almost the same questions as the GP, and asking about family history (Dad survived a minor heart attack at 58). But seeing that I am a pre-menopausal non-smoker female, they decided that it could be pulmonary embolism which is a sudden blockage in a lung artery.
The doctors took my blood for tests, hooked me up on to an automated blood pressure and heart rate monitor and put a tap into the top of my hand and... left me there.
Under the bright lights of the observation room and incessant beeping of monitors and machines, i spent my time people watching. The doctors being very focused on their own patients and ignoring other patients, the nurses doing almost the same with some trying to look busy, the patients either just lying there or raising a ruckus refusing to pee/ defecate into their diapers, wanting to leave or just being plain delusional. The majority of the patients were the elderly as expected, but a couple were minor accident victims who were hurt badly enough to not have to queue at the waiting area but not enough to be operated on (yet).
3 hours later, they came to check on me, they knew enough to know that they didnt know what was happening to me and so refused to let me leave. It was thus decided that i will take a series of 3 blood tests in 8 hour intervals that will determine if i had suffered any heart damage. I was then sent to the EDTU (Extended Diagnostic and Treatment Unit) just after midnight.
E had been waiting for 2 hours outside A&E by then, came in to talk to the doctor and to see me and pass me a book. :)
I was then plastered with ECG Monitoring Electrodes
all over over in kinda like this pattern although i had more...
adjoined to 2 sets of lead wires (each holding 5 clamps) and left alone to catch some sleep.
Since E didnt come from home, he didnt bring my glasses and i decided to leave my contact lenses on.
Surprisingly, not only I was able to fall asleep, I slept well.
They took my blood twice more, and since all the tests were negative let me discharge with a MC for 3 days, a letter and a caution. That i was to make my way immediately to a polyclinic or hospital with the letter in hand if i was to suffer another episode within the week.
I then left the hospital to go home to make a mushroom stew dish , and also wrap presents for belated Christmas gift-exchanges, and arrive for pot luck dinner gathering with friends at 630pm.
Unfortunately, 3 bites into the pot luck dinner, my chest started hurting and i started sweating profusely. I was probably taking the whole thing too easy. I didnt want to alarm my friends (who didnt know know about the hospitalization) so I pushed the food around my plate and tried to breathe. And little by little, the pain went away.
That was 3 nights ago, and 4 more to go.
And oh, E said that my mushroom stew was the best dish of the pot luck dinner :)
Labels: to Despair
Monday, December 29, 2008
Close shave
Little did i imagine when i woke up, that i'd have spent my night in NUH A&E EDTU.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
drink drank drunk
tis the season to be merry...
but the so-called company dinner was any but
a spate of negative news from bad job management, decisions and the financial crisis had knocked the wind out of us.
The year started looking bright with hopes of 吃鲍鱼 (eating abalone), which degraded to 吃咸鱼 (eating salted fish) towards the end of the year, and it looks like we're all going to 吃草 (eating grass) at the end.
I was doubly groomy for having only partially recovered the share losses which I had sustained.
So anyways, I joined the dinner being tired and dejected and hungry (traffic was hell into Orchard road, I waited for 20min to get into the car park of pacific plaza!), and started drinking red wine to be social. But when we escalated to 女儿红 and a jocky was booked to bring me and my car to the KTV, and who will bring me home after the KTV.
I started enjoying the drinks a little.
It was then to the KTV where more drinking ensued.
LOTS MORE drinking ensued. So much that 20 shots of brandy were laid out on trays for fast and easy drinking.
...................................................
I woke up with a start.
Naked.
With a bath towel covering me, on my sofa at home.
!!!!!!!!!
it was 530am.
I jumped up and thrown on some clothes, and started checking inventories.
- Bag check
- Wallet check
- Home keys check
- Car keys check
- Handphone check
- Clothes in the laundry basket check
- Jacket check
- Boots near shoe cabinet check
hmm... so it seems i got home and showered and fell asleep before getting dressed, thats not toooo bad (especially since i woke up before i was found)
waitaminute, i'm forgetting something. WHERE is my watch and rings?
Not at my dresser, not on the hall table, i'm not wearing them, nothing.
I didnt give them away to some KTV hostess did I? GASP!
PANIC.
OMG, i found them on the sink in the bath room.
PHEW*
ok, too much excitement, the headache is killing me. need to lie down.
.............................................
E woke me up and asked if I puke in the toilet cos it was slightly messy. I told him i cant remember but i must have cos i have nothing left in my gut.
He had to run all the errands with the kids for the day as I slept the whole Saturday away. He's not a happy camper but he didnt complain. gosh* I love this man.
.............................................
It was only nearing the end of the night when i was 80% recovered that i wondered.
"Did i mess up my car?"
but i was still too weak to go check, besides there isnt a good excuse for me to go out so late in the evening to my car...
oh good grief.
.............................................
It was only Sunday night that i managed to check on my car.
Did i stink up my car by having messed it up and letting it fester for TWO WHOLE DAYS?
oh no please...
Turn out I didnt.
Thank goodness.
but the so-called company dinner was any but
a spate of negative news from bad job management, decisions and the financial crisis had knocked the wind out of us.
The year started looking bright with hopes of 吃鲍鱼 (eating abalone), which degraded to 吃咸鱼 (eating salted fish) towards the end of the year, and it looks like we're all going to 吃草 (eating grass) at the end.
I was doubly groomy for having only partially recovered the share losses which I had sustained.
So anyways, I joined the dinner being tired and dejected and hungry (traffic was hell into Orchard road, I waited for 20min to get into the car park of pacific plaza!), and started drinking red wine to be social. But when we escalated to 女儿红 and a jocky was booked to bring me and my car to the KTV, and who will bring me home after the KTV.
I started enjoying the drinks a little.
It was then to the KTV where more drinking ensued.
LOTS MORE drinking ensued. So much that 20 shots of brandy were laid out on trays for fast and easy drinking.
...................................................
I woke up with a start.
Naked.
With a bath towel covering me, on my sofa at home.
!!!!!!!!!
it was 530am.
I jumped up and thrown on some clothes, and started checking inventories.
- Bag check
- Wallet check
- Home keys check
- Car keys check
- Handphone check
- Clothes in the laundry basket check
- Jacket check
- Boots near shoe cabinet check
hmm... so it seems i got home and showered and fell asleep before getting dressed, thats not toooo bad (especially since i woke up before i was found)
waitaminute, i'm forgetting something. WHERE is my watch and rings?
Not at my dresser, not on the hall table, i'm not wearing them, nothing.
I didnt give them away to some KTV hostess did I? GASP!
PANIC.
OMG, i found them on the sink in the bath room.
PHEW*
ok, too much excitement, the headache is killing me. need to lie down.
.............................................
E woke me up and asked if I puke in the toilet cos it was slightly messy. I told him i cant remember but i must have cos i have nothing left in my gut.
He had to run all the errands with the kids for the day as I slept the whole Saturday away. He's not a happy camper but he didnt complain. gosh* I love this man.
.............................................
It was only nearing the end of the night when i was 80% recovered that i wondered.
"Did i mess up my car?"
but i was still too weak to go check, besides there isnt a good excuse for me to go out so late in the evening to my car...
oh good grief.
.............................................
It was only Sunday night that i managed to check on my car.
Did i stink up my car by having messed it up and letting it fester for TWO WHOLE DAYS?
oh no please...
Turn out I didnt.
Thank goodness.
Labels: to Eat Drink Party
Monday, December 15, 2008
Bird
Been eating like a bird, subsisting on about 1.5 meals a day.
It started off with being too busy and forgetting to eat until the pains come.
Then I developed some stomach troubles which left me with not much appetite.
And now I've simply stop feeling that hungry much.
Kinda weird, since I've always prided myself as one who live to eat rather than eat to live, usually planning ahead to next meal's menu while I still eating the current meal.
So things are Not good.
Okaaaay, the possible weight loss in the future may be sorta nice, but I've never been one to obsess about it anyways since I'm ok with +/- 5% or 10% most days. (the qualifying notes re possible and future is because I haven't actually weigh myself recently to check if there's been any change...)
Gonna have to try to eat some small breakfast before leaving home in the morning, and have a lunch and a dinner at decent times instead of supper times. And buy some stuff to stock up in the office.
There'll still be hope if I take action rather than just think about it...
It started off with being too busy and forgetting to eat until the pains come.
Then I developed some stomach troubles which left me with not much appetite.
And now I've simply stop feeling that hungry much.
Kinda weird, since I've always prided myself as one who live to eat rather than eat to live, usually planning ahead to next meal's menu while I still eating the current meal.
So things are Not good.
Okaaaay, the possible weight loss in the future may be sorta nice, but I've never been one to obsess about it anyways since I'm ok with +/- 5% or 10% most days. (the qualifying notes re possible and future is because I haven't actually weigh myself recently to check if there's been any change...)
Gonna have to try to eat some small breakfast before leaving home in the morning, and have a lunch and a dinner at decent times instead of supper times. And buy some stuff to stock up in the office.
There'll still be hope if I take action rather than just think about it...
Labels: to Eat Drink Party
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Todoist
I just found the best FREE little web-based to do list at Todoist.com
It is really simple.and oh, in case you're wondering where is my pda phone, i gave mine to E cos his died after he got soaked in a game of golf, and i havent got a new one (partly becos i'm too broke)
It:
- has just 4 lines to sign up, your name, email add, password, timezone
- loads fast
- creates project with subtasks with choices on date, priority
- sorts by date/ priority
- queries various ways
- recurring events
- calculates days to due date
- allows you to print
- has nifty intuitive shortcuts
- write notes
- integrate with Gmail, Firefox tool bar etc etc
- i'm still finding out the rest... it does have a premium version but i cant think of what else i might need (until i check that out i guess)
Very very nice.
Getting organised is just step 1, getting things done is the goal. Now if I'llstop procrastinating finish this post, i'll get some real work done.
It is really simple.and oh, in case you're wondering where is my pda phone, i gave mine to E cos his died after he got soaked in a game of golf, and i havent got a new one (partly becos i'm too broke)
It:
- has just 4 lines to sign up, your name, email add, password, timezone
- loads fast
- creates project with subtasks with choices on date, priority
- sorts by date/ priority
- queries various ways
- recurring events
- calculates days to due date
- allows you to print
- has nifty intuitive shortcuts
- write notes
- integrate with Gmail, Firefox tool bar etc etc
- i'm still finding out the rest... it does have a premium version but i cant think of what else i might need (until i check that out i guess)
Very very nice.
Getting organised is just step 1, getting things done is the goal. Now if I'll
Labels: geek stuff
